Languages of Love

According to Gary Chapman in his 1992 book, there are five (5) languages of love. They are Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, and Acts of Service.

Language is defined as “a method of human communication, either spoken or written, consisting of the use of words in a structured or conventional way.” 

Thus, the language of love is a way to communicate, to demonstrate, or to convey love to your partner, your children, or anyone else you have a relationship with.

PHYSICAL TOUCH

To me, physical touch is the most basic, primal way of showing one’s love for another.  A kiss or a hug is so natural to do when you love someone.  It is the most obvious way of communicating love to another person.

However, we must also be careful as to how we interpret physical touch.  Physical touch can easily be misinterpreted or misunderstood. 

Sexual intimacy is indeed an act of love, but could also be purely lust.  Lust and love are two different things, and thus, we must be cautious in communicating love in this way.

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

Words are intangible.  It is spoken, and if not written or recorded, it may be forgotten or denied.  But, words are compelling.  It can either hurt or lift someone. The words, “I love you,” “I care about you,” or “I miss you,” are words that are held highly by everyone.  Once spoken, you connect to it, you adhere to it, and you hold onto its promises. 

Unfortunately, words without action are dead. You can say “I love you,” “I care about you,” “I miss you,” all you want, but if you do not pair those words with action, it means nothing at all. Put words and act together; then, you genuinely affirm your love to the person.

QUALITY TIME

In this hectic world, it is difficult to find time to do anything and everything. It seems like everyone is in a hurry and have no time for themselves.  And, if there is that little time to spare, you try to use that time the best you could. Thus, you can choose to spend that short time with your loved ones. 

Go out on a date with your partner, play with your children, jog together.  Do whatever you want to do with your loved one. Just make sure that your full undivided attention is with them.  You get to show your love by doing this, and it will definitely be felt and will be so much appreciated.

GIFTS

Gifts, unlike words of affirmation, are tangible.  Giving material gifts to your loved ones is another distinct way of showing your love. It just means that you are so willing to spend your hard-earned money to buy a special gift to the one you love.  It is a material sacrifice to affirm your love.

Then, again, just like physical touch, giving a material gift may be misconstrued as love even when it is not.  It could just be an act of appreciation, or pity (which of course does not mean love), or simply a show of generosity or philantrophy.

Additionally, love might be equated to material things.  One might believe that “if you love me, then you must give me the material things I want.”  The receiver may become materialistic and eventually, the giver may be used or his/her kindness abused.

ACTS OF SERVICE

Lastly, and which I believe is the noblest way of communicating love, is the acts of service.  Washing the dishes or cleaning the house without being told. Cooking your loved one’s favorite meal, or ironing his clothes.  These are some acts of services that show that you love a person. It shows how sensitive you are to their needs.  It shows consideration.  When you love someone, you are always ready to help, to support, to nurture.  That is real love.

WHAT IS MY LANGUAGE OF LOVE?

My language of love is the acts of service.  With my actions of service, I doubly affirm it with physical touch, words of affirmation, spending quality time, and gift-giving.

We need to communicate our love in many different languages.  One way does not suffice because sometimes, you have to speak another language to make it more transparent, to validate it, and to confirm without reservations.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

What about you?  How do you convey your love to your loved ones? Show them. Let them know what your language of love is so that they will understand you better, love you more, and appreciate you more.

Find out how your loved ones demonstrate their love to you as well. That way, you will immediately recognize how they are expressing their love to you.

LOVE SUCCEEDS

Language is vital. It is a two-way process—a give and take action. If you know the kind of language each of you speaks, and you give and take flawlessly, then there is no room for confusion or misunderstanding. Love is validated!

And, the language of love succeeds!