A Girl Called “It”

No. This title is not another version of the book, “A Child Called It.” This title is not about abuse.  It is about an identity crisis of a girl adopted as a young child. The young child was Me. 

“One could come from less than humble beginnings, to become a winner from within.”
― Dave Pelzer, A Child Called “It”

Separated Parents

I was about two years old when my biological parents split up.  My mother left me with my father and went very far away from us.  My father was so young then, and since he had no job, he didn’t know how he can afford to raise me. I was then “adopted” by a prominent family that my dad knew. I say “adopted” because it was not an adoption that went through a process.  My biological father and my adoptive parents just had a verbal agreement to adopt me so that I can have a good education. 

Adoptive Family

My adoptive parents were excellent people.  They had four children;  three sons, and one daughter.  At the time I was adopted, I was only two years old, and my adoptive siblings were already in their teens. They were all highly educated, smart, kind, and unassuming.  They accepted me as their sister and treated me well — no drama like what you see on TV.

“It is important for people to know that no matter what lies in their past, they can overcome the dark side and press on to a brighter world.”
― Dave Pelzer, A Child Called “It”

Although I was with a good family and was treated well, I have always had a feeling of being out of place.  I felt different. I felt alienated even if I knew that my adoptive family was not making me feel that way purposely.  They introduced me as the youngest child, but they referred my older sister as the ONLY daughter. Somehow, they always needed to explain to people who I was and why I was with the family.  This was very confusing to me, and it made me feel very strange and uncomfortable.

Who was I?  Where was I supposed to be? Who was I to obey? Who was I to identify with? 

As I was growing up, I knew that I was adopted.  My adoptive parents never hid this fact from me.  My biological dad was still present in my life.  I got to see him, my grandmother, and my aunts regularly. On weekdays, I was with my adoptive family and on some weekends, and several special occasions, I was with my biological father.  I was like a ball passed from one family to another. I felt like I was a thing, an inanimate object, an IT! I loathed this arrangement.  I didn’t feel like I had a stable family life.

I knew my biological father loved me.  But I was distant. I was never close to him. I didn’t feel connected with him and the rest of his family.  I was resentful and bitter.  Admittedly, I did not treat him well.

“Why did he and my mother split up?” “Why did my mother abandon me?” Why did he “give me away”?

I was angry, and I guess I was angry at my father.  I didn’t say it out loud, but I think I blamed him for my broken family.  I wanted so badly to have a complete family.  A family where both my biological parents were together, living in one roof, doing things like any regular family would do.   

I felt ashamed of my situation.  I didn’t know anyone who was in the same position.  I felt different and alone.

Then again, I did have a family.  I had my adoptive parents.  They were together.  They were living a life of a normal, happy family.  Sure, there were struggles and challenges along the way, but every family goes through that.  They were not perfect, but they gave me a semblance of how a real family looks like.

Despite that, there was still uncertainty within me.  There was some pain, some crisis inside me.  It was hard to explain but that was how I have felt from the very beginning. 

My adoptive family gave me a good life.  They nurtured me like their child.  They sent me to one of the best schools, and sincerely cared for me.  I was not lacking of anything. I actually had more than I ever would have imagined.

Learning to Cope

Eventually, I learned to cope.  I learned to accept my fate. I realized that it was wrong having felt bad. I should not have felt alone, abandoned, and confused. I was so much luckier than most children. I had two sets of families, and both loved me very much. I realized, too, that my father was a good man and he only did what he had to do under the circumstances. In time, I developed into a mature individual who knew who I was. I began to thrive. I learned to welcome what I had and refocused on what was more important in my life.

“I made sure I let go of my past, accepting the fact that that part of my life was only a small fraction of my life.”
― Dave Pelzer, A Child Called “It”

I realized there was a purpose for all these.  This situation led me to a country foreign to me and I finally found myself when I had my own family.  My OWN FAMILY! I became a mother of two beautiful children.  Born out of my own flesh and blood.  Children bestowed upon me by a supernatural being I call God. He gave these children to me, to love, nurture, and care.

There is no more crisis inside me.  I finally know who I am.  I now have my place under the sun.  There are no more questions unanswered.  I have a purpose, and my purpose is to live my life for God’s service by taking care of these children he lent me.

I am no longer an IT.  My children will never be IT.  I will make sure that they know they are LOVED and that no matter what happens they will never be abandoned, alone, or isolated.  They will always be known as MY CHILDREN!

And, I, finally, am no longer an IT!