My daughter is now 18-years old and about to go to college. Soon, she will be out in the real-world mingling with real people from all walks of life. Sometimes, I can’t help but be scared for her. Can she handle it? Is she ready for it? How will she fit in?
The New Generation
I want to tell her many things, but I am not prepared for how she will react. Now that she is more “matured,” it has not been easy to share with her things that I, an experienced adult, have learned in the 50+ years of my life. My point of view seems insignificant than the opinions of those in the younger generation. We are considered old-fashioned, naïve of the new generation’s stressors, and unknowledgeable and unaccepting of the new “normal” of the world.
Nonetheless, no matter how similar or dissimilar we are from each other, I must tell her things that might help her, guide her, or direct her towards a life of uncertainty and mystery. I must teach her to know right from wrong (even if she thinks she already knows them), to discern good and bad, to read strangers’ (and not so strangers’) intentions, and to make the right choices in life.
To My Soon-to-be College Daughter
So, to my soon-to-be college daughter, here are some things I want to tell you:
1. Study hard. I know I do not have to tell you this because you have done so from Elementary to High School. But college is different. It will be very competitive and unforgiving. It will be a “survival of the fittest.” If you don’t push yourself to the limit, you lose.
2. Yes, you MAY lose. However, do not let losing make you fail. When you lose, RESOLVE to win the next time around. It will be difficult, but once you WIN after having been lost, it is so much more rewarding.
3. It’s okay to cry when you lose, or you fail. You are only human. Showing your emotions does not mean you are weak. It only means you are ready to face the challenge all over again once you are done letting go of your insecurities and fears.
4. Do not listen to what other people say about you. Who you are, what you are, is your business, not theirs. Their opinion of you doesn’t matter. Only your view of yourself matters.
5. Never forget where you came from. As a Filipino proverb says, “Ang hindi marunong lumingon sa pinanggalingan, di makakarating sa paroroonan.” (“He who does not know how to look back at where he came from will never get to his destination.”) Do not be ashamed of your humble beginnings once you have reached your success.
6. As I was growing up, my parents used to say, “there are two types of people in the world, the ABUSER and the ABUSED.” The abusers are those waiting to pounce on their prey. They will use you as long as you allow them and as long as you have something to give. The abused are those who allow the abusers to use them even if sometimes (or most of the time) they already know that they are being used or taken advantage of. Don’t become either one. Success comes from diligence, perseverance, and hard work, not by using or being used by someone.
7. In line with item # 6, be compassionate, but don’t let compassion for another be a tool for the abusers. The abusers will play with your feelings of compassion (and even love) to get what they want out of you.
8. Choose your friends. It may be cliché, but it must be emphasized. Your type of friends makes a lot of difference. Remember the saying, ‘tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are?” It has truth to it. Your type of friends may either make you or break you. So, choose wisely.
9. Trust your instincts. If you feel something wrong about something or someone, it is most probably true. Runaway from it/them as FAST AND AS FAR AS POSSIBLE.
10. Love yourself. No one will love you more than yourself. Someone can say they love you to the moon and back, but the moment you turn away, they will be cheating and lying behind your back. Do not rely or depend on other people to give you all their love and attention. Do not yearn for their acceptance and affection. The only person you can rely on for all those is yourself.
11. To continue # 10, the other person you can rely on to love and accept you for who you are is God. Do not forget to give Him the love, gratitude, and praise. When all else fails, only He will be there beside you.
12. Be grateful – to God, family, friends, teachers, country.
13. You live in a country where you have freedom, rights, and privileges. Do not take them for granted. Do not, however, abuse them either.
14. As they say, “Man is a fool. When it’s hot, he wants it cool, and when it’s cool, he wants it hot.” BE CONTENT WITH WHAT YOU HAVE. What you have at the moment are the only things you need-nothing more, nothing less.
15. Live your life to the fullest, not to the stupidest. Enjoy life. Be adventurous, brave, bold, and daring. But remember, you are smarter than any dares anyone challenges you to do, or any adventure that you know might hurt you or others. Be aware and mindful of the consequences of your actions. Think before you do.
I16. n relationships, make sure you use your head and not your heart. There is a reason why your brain is above your heart. Listen to what your mind says before doing what your heart tells you. Loving someone does not mean giving everything (time, money, attention, future, etc.) to them. Love yourself first before loving another.
17. There is no such thing as unconditional love. Only God can give unconditional love.
18. Be respectful—of other people’s opinions, race, sexual preference, religion, beliefs, and traditions. Respect begets respect. If anyone does not respect you and whatever you believe in, you do not need to engage with them. Just walk away from them (in a respectful way as well).
19. Believe in yourself. If you want others to believe in you, believe in yourself. Assert yourself, show yourself. Do not be ashamed to speak FROM the crowd and TO the crowd. Let them hear from you. Always remember your opinion matters. For all you know, your opinion may save someone’s life.
20. Help whenever you can, even in the littlest of ways. Be kind. Be selfless. Be generous. (But still, do not forget #6 above-the abused and the abuser).
And Finally…
Lastly, I want to tell you that I love you with all my heart and soul. As you walk away from our home and go out there to discover your future, please know that your family will always be here waiting, eager for you to be back. Whether you become successful or not in your chosen field, we will continue to love you, support you, and accept you.
My daughter, you are such a beautiful person inside and out. Your kindness, your humility, and passion for life are very contagious. If everyone is like you, the world will be a better place to live in. But ONLY I have you. Therefore, OUR HOME, your home, is the BEST PLACE TO BE IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD.
